It turns out it’s really easy to completely change your life. 24 hours after I clicked send, the arrangements have been made to leave my job. At 1:30PM, I met with my manager and officially gave notice. He asked if there was anything he could have done differently to keep me at the company, and I didn’t know how to respond. I kept it simple and said it was not an issue with my job, but simply an opportunity I could not pass up. While there were various issues that would have improved my time at the company, I was always headed elsewhere. I always wished to find something that I was so passionate about I finally knew where to dedicate myself. Unfortunately, when that passion came along in the form of a startup idea, it took me months to recognize it.
After this meeting, months of confusion and anxiety lifted. There was no regret now that I had finally made my decision. A business analyst, my specialty is providing all of the possible scenarios. I realized I need to focus on making and being confident in my decisions. My mind was literally made up for months, but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. Granted, the timing now is much better and I’m more confident in my choice (patience is important after all; without it, I would not have gotten to this job in the first place, or to my promotion and relocation to Seattle). My last day is January 8th, an extended transition since I will be taking two weeks off to visit family for the holidays.
I have a confession to make. I kind of chickened out on my email of resignation. It went from the subject “Giving Notice” to “Leave of Absence”. I thought it would be nice if I could arrange a 3-month leave of absence to maintain my health insurance and have a job standing by. This would have been a terrible idea as I would not have been liberated; fortunately my manager preferred a clean break since he needed the headcount to complete the work.
My mind is so incredibly clear. This week has been the most productive week in recent memory – not for work, but for my personal life. When working, it’s hard enough to keep track of business tasks let alone personal ones. I would maintain a perfect reputation at work while my personal life fell apart – my home got dirty, I didn’t call family and friends, and so on. I know my odds of success with a startup are low (about 10%), but it’s worth it for moments like this. I met my brother and my girlfriend for happy hour; I truly enjoyed myself, there was nothing looming over my head and I did not have to check email on my cell phone every 10 minutes. I’m glad I didn’t just switch to another full-time job. A scene from Being John Malkovich comes to mind; after having his body taken over for many years, Malkovich regains control. “I’m free!” he screams in pure ecstasy. Moments later, the next shift of inhabitants enter his mind and takes over his body for the rest of his life. Hopefully I regain control for longer than him.
Between 0:55 and 3:00:
One problem: I haven’t told my father yet…